UniBlog: Just Some Things On My Mind

Usually I start writing my Daily Blog about 5pm - 5.30 or so in the evening and get finished at 6 maybe 6.30 ready for the meditation session - last night's was obviously an exception - So I thought why not start a little bit earlier, (meaning ending earlier) and put a bit of effort into this one, as opposed the last one hastily slopped onto the internet. (Just for reference I started this one at 1pm)

Bar writing this blog, today was an incredibly lazy day - however, I've already used the word "lazy" in a previous blog title and didn't want to repeat myself twice in only the first week of university!

So I had some lunch (a rare occasion as I'm usually pre-occupied and have two meals a day), let my mind wonder and decided to have a little look in the history books

A Short Re-Cap Of The Past 10 Years

Primary School ("Pirbright Village Primary School")

10 years ago, I was 9 (Year 4/5) and in Primary School, I wasn't the most popular - called weird and one of the least popular in the class, but I had friends in the lower years, so even if my "classmates" (Very few actual "mates" - more fellow pupils) and year-mates (" ") didn't like me/thought I was weird, I still had those from the younger years I still got on very well with.

As I had started in Year 3, the "cool kids" were already determined and I just had to find where I fit - if I fit at all - in the "Wolf-Pack"

Secondary School PT I ("Christ's College")

Into my local(ish) secondary school I went and it was a complete disaster, the bullying intensified, being called weird again - fortunately none of it was physical, but I truly believe that it really shunted my self-esteem.

Secondary School PT II ("Sunnydown School")

In a miraculous turn of events, my mother was able to find an All Boys Special Needs Boarding School (since I had/have Dyspraxia) which I attended from Year 9.

It was a stark difference from my first day at (Name Of Other Secondary School Here). I did not feel small, vulnerable and an outcast, I felt part of the Wolf-Pack - and at times maybe nearer the front. I made friends with pretty much every student there - and especially those I boarded with - and those in my class. I may have failed my GCSE's - but it was a massive boost in confidence that I needed. Instead of my "sole existence" (being mocked and ridiculed - my huge obsession with Formula One was the butt of many jokes and banter - I loved it - and was thankful - ever so thankful that I could fail my GCSE's here then suffer another 3 or so years being picked apart.

This also affected other aspects of my life too - being only boys may have had impacted my choice of sexuality - bi - liking (ahem) both boys and girls, in addition to realising that being in an all boys school led to no drama or gossip - we were all boys and that was that, there was no - as bluntly as possible - bullshit. What happened, happened, what was said was said - there was no "pandering around" as one would say.

The boarding part would give me a bit of independence living away from home for 5 days a week (doing organised activities by the school in the evenings) and then coming home on weekends.

The special needs part would make me realise that disabilities and learning difficulties aren't just "black and white" - it's not just "Autism Or Nothing" - there was a whole school of boys like myself who - I thought were "perfectly normal" - if not more hilarious and had more of a personality/character - and in my eyes they were normal - they were "my type of normal" and I liked that - and needed that, instead of - dare I say it "Smoking chavs acting hard to impress other chavs of the opposite sex"

College ("Town-Name College")

Following this, The original plan was to go to NESCOT (North East Surrey College Of Technology) to do "NEXTGEN Games Design, Animation, VFX Skills" - but failing my GCSE's turned out to be an absolute blessing in disguise - and had it not been my total incompetence at exams then - I probably would not be sitting where I am right now today.

Despite being a little damn gutted about the result (as I had tried for quite a few attempts to pass it) - I went to my local college to re-take English and Maths - English I passed in the first year, Pre-GCSE Maths in the first or second.

By college, nobody gives a shit about who you are - you could have Low Functioning Autism, and fit right in to the the class and school and no-one would say a word - except from probably "Hi" and be a little more friendly to you - as expected of mature adults. This was the first time in main-stream education since Year 8 (college being the equivalent of Year 12)

And this is where things started going incredibly well - in the Time Before COVID, I did LVL 2 ICT and Media (+Maths) for a year, before doing 1.9 years of Level 3 ICT And Media.

The "1.9" being a 2 year course of Media And ICT (separate courses, different teachers etc.) however, the second of the two years was cut short because of The Current Situation.

Blogging

Throughout these years, I realised more and more that writing/blogging was very much my forte - and after starting iRacing in January 2019, I started a (free) Wix site in April of that year, writing about my race results/race reports - before going onto a premium site with the arrival of Joseph B. Griffin.

Despite my appalling and low-key cringe media projects (producing a documentary, trailer and advert) - where I came alive was the research beforehand - doing the research into the movie/advert/trailer industry and writing up an article about it is where my writing flourished, before a shoddy .mp4 of me attempting something would come next.

But I'll give credit where credit is due, my Music Video for Lorraine Bowen's "Crumble Song" could have seriously worse - and so could my 30 Second Trailer... I had dabbled in blogs beforehand, doing a couple of blogs between June and August 2016, about my real life, but stopped shortly after.

Throughout (my first) secondary school I did a couple of issues of a blog/article I called "Daily F1" - which was a hodgepodge of real and fictitious Formula One News, before doing a podcast-cross-video called "This Week's Car News" on my YouTube channel, but this quickly died after the constant bombardment of breaking car news and I couldn't see myself doing it in the future.

UniBlogs follows on from the Kabort Motorsport race articles I wrote as (then) Team Principal of Kabort Motorsport.

Higher Education - ("University Of Wolverhampton")

As much as I hate to say it - the Virus came at a "convenient" time for myself - after getting Student Of The Month and having a fairly smooth Level 2, and first year of Level 3, the final year of the course was proving to slowly get too much - I was getting behind, and with a Coding unit, which I had no interest in - and could have very limited help in, clogging the rest of the units up - stress was pretty high, so when the college announced it was closing - I thought to myself, this would be a perfect chance to catch up...low and behold that was one of the last days I attended college.

With my maths the only thing hindering me, It was a battle of the universities; Media, Communications and Journalism at Winchester VS Multimedia Journalism at Wolverhampton - but the angels at Wolverhampton didn't mind that my grades were a little lower than average or expected - they let me in with open arms - and even said that I needn't do the foundation year. A Little Something To Think About...

Have I made some stupid decisions in the past? Definitely. Have these affected my grades? Certainly. Should I have revised a lot more as a kid? 100%. Do I deserve to be sitting in University with an iPhone 6s by my side, and laptop on my lap? Deserve? No. However I found myself in the right circumstances in exactly the right time - had I not dropped my phone whilst on a walk with E and her boyfriend, I would be probably still using that Samsung.

Had I passed all my exams with flying colours - I probably would not be doing journalism. I may even be in over my head. But it's because my mother talked to an old friend who I went to school with that I went to the All Boys School, it was because I struggled that I was able to get in contact with Barry Bennett - even when life is less than perfect, and when shit truly hits the fan - I truly believe that everything happens for a reason - and if my mother had never talked to her friend - and had I never gone to Sunnydown, and had I never got in contact with E...she would have never put me in contact with my beautiful girlfriend Annie.

I admit, I could have been a better boyfriend, and I could have told some people the truth, and I could have been a better friend to others - but the past has happened - you can't change the situation you are in right this very second - but you can change it going forward, I've been lucky enough to find myself in this almost "zen-like" scenario - and with my future ahead of me, it's like I've come onto the straight - I can go flatout, full throttle, make the most of the 200mph, 600bhp engine I've got behind me and supporting me.

Now you just have to do the same...

Survivor's Instinct

Another thought that has been on my mind is something that I like to call "Survivor's Instinct".

Prior to starting university, I had learned to cook Pasta and Sausage, and done it less than a dozen times.

University is an absolutely massive leap into independent living and the unknown - before Uni, I lived with my parents, and I knew, that 3/4 of the time, they would cook for me, unless they were unable to, or unless they wanted me to make my own food (in most cases, this would just be cold food slapped on a plate).

Away from home, friends'/friends' parents would cook food for me, or at the boarding school, all food would be presented on a hot, golden, metaphorical platter with Toast and fruit at break-times. University has been the first time in my entire life that I've quite literally had to fend for myself, feed myself, look after myself and insure I attend online courses with no prompting or other adult nudging me - or knocking on my door to make sure I'm still breathing. I don't know weather it's just me, but I seriously think either "Survivor's Instinct"* has stepped in or I've just GTFU (Grown The Fck Up) So, What Exactly Is This "Survivour's Instinct" you speak of?

It's exactly as written on the tin - It's the instinct (actions/thoughts/processes etc.) of a survivor - no university isn't "life threatening" and no I haven't survived a plane crash into Wolverhampton, but In my opinion survivor's instinct kicks in when we are "thrown" or have to quickly adapt to a new situation or surroundings -

Take new mothers for example - their newborns can't talk (obviously) but amongst their cries, they figure out what's wrong and are able to satisfy their babies' needs - weather that be breast feeding, nappy changing, rocking, inserting a dummy (pacifier), the baby stops crying (for 5 minutes before they have a new issue to cry about) so long as you haven't dropped the baby, neither baby nor mother are in direct danger - but the mother knows exactly what to do - and I believe this is what has happened to me - I'm not in any direct danger or a war-field but I know that nobody will cook for me and that if I don't get up and cook something I will feel hungry, this will lead on to grouchiness, before stomach pains and then from then on it can ACTUALLY get dangerous.

*edit: I know that you can last at least 30 days with no food (severe symptoms starting at 35 days, but this is if you are hydrated, and probably a larger body build than myself) - If you have no water however, you'd only last a couple of days, but as thick as I look, I'm smart enough to grab a glass of juice/water when I'm thirsty.

Final Notes

I'd just like to end on a few "thought provokers" - Judgement. People will ALWAYS judge you - but does that really matter?

Isn't how you judge yourself more important? Those at my first secondary school judged me (I assume) on my looks, and the way I acted in comparison to the other mainstream students in the school...

When it came to PE, I was once again shit - they saw this - more bully material.

But how do I judge myself? I know I am useless at maths, I know this and avoid this, but out on track - when given a racing car, wheel and a set of pedals - I'm in my element, and some may struggle to keep up - my iRacing friends, Kabort Members and fellow racers would judge me completely differently to those who've seen me in school.

I've been complimented on my writing numerous times - so if I were to judge myself on my writing skill/level - I'd (personally) rank myself highly. How about James, Andrew and Jya? How would they judge me - before the 20th September, they didn't even know I existed - but now I'm living with them and they've each seen my highs and low's - on the trip to get my charger, Jya's seen my mind being incompetent at remembering my mask nor wallet - they've all seen me cook - and I've too shown them my blog - so they would be probably the best to judge -as my parents would have a natural bias raising me.

How would you judge yourself? How would you want to be judged? How do you want others to judge you?

Just to end:

Human Anatomy

Ears have to go...or be drastically changed - one cannot lie down on their side with headphones and listen/enjoy music - can we have ears on our face so we can lie down please? I want to go to sleep with music in my ears - cheers.

A Different View Of The World

I always get freaked out at the thought of looking at myself - or the world - or the concept of the world/earth/life in a third-person perspective - like just God playing the Sims or some shiz but with like 7.8 Billion odd people. Mad.

Moment Of Silence

Can we have a moment of silence for all the lost people, things, toys, places, thoughts (abandoned places which used to be hiving with activity, but not any more) - all the pieces of paper you've written on, but now thrown away - all these things and people are in a place - but a place we've either not looked, not bothered to look, skipped past, or right under our noses.

Nothing is truly lost - just simply "undiscovered" or "not quite found yet"

- RT