Stressed Out And P*ssed Off (PT. 1)

Good afternoon, I hope you are all well, apologies for not blogging for the past two weeks or so (last blog on 2nd August) life has just got incredibly fast.


We'll start on Monday 2nd August, where we left off.


02/08/2021


So, on this day, I'd go to sleep at about 5am, wake up a couple hours after, sort my service for the Kia, do a bit of Blogging, watching iRacing Replays and checking up on Indeed emails.


Later that day, I'd go to see Evie, and we'd first go to McDonalds, before heading to a rather dark Newlands Corner to eat - the lights in the McDonalds car park rather bright for the light conditions.


On the way to seeing Evie, albeit having a van right up my chuff, I managed to catch this once in a (car) life-time event

Next Up: 88,888!

Other than some motorbike riders...doing their standard activity at 10pm at night in a rural car-park, it was a nice, calm, peaceful (and most importantly, enjoyable) evening.


As said in my previous blog, it still surprises - and confuses me how this was two months after I saw my friend to go off to Brighton...the start of a rather long stay!


On one's iRacing profile, it displays their 10 most recent results, and I was shocked - and interested - to find out that (on August 2nd) my 10th most recent race was my last podium - at Lime Rock Park, in the Lamborghini GT3, before the world turned crazy and my life went for a rather intense "vortex".


Simpler times.


I'd also upload my latest blog to date on this day.


3/08/2021


I honestly cannot remember what happened on the 3rd August - but I know this much: I didn't go out. Neither my Black Box nor phone tracked activity, so, I suppose it was a day to myself.


This was the first day I haven't yet blogged about (before this one)


I also played a little bit of BeamNG.Drive - unbeknownst to me at the time, this would be the last time I'd play BeamNG in a little while as I used to take screenshots of cars in scenarios (and crash them afterwards), but I found more paintjobs for the cars (which I didn't realise were there) and got demotivated as I wanted to get interesting pictures of all the cars in BeamNG.Drive in their respectable liveries and paintjobs. I'd later create a folder called "Bin" and chuck all the screenshots in said folder (yes, such an exciting day, I know.)


My google history also shows activity for most of the day - not even an hour break between the different periods.


4/08/2021


The 4th was a dark day. For Many.


It was one year ago since a fire in a warehouse decimated Beirut Port - whilst the infrastructure and buildings are slowly being re-built, it's the scars of the people that still remain - the mourning and grief of the lost loved ones, those with life-long injuries caused by the blast, the trauma and the sights that the poor civilians had to see on that bloody day 365 days ago. All because explosives weren't stored safely nor properly.


There is still rage boiling in the city, a disaster on this scale, magnitude and death-count should be allowed to happen, even one death is too many.

The Aftermath

Just like the fire of Beirut, I already had a fire churning inside me. The flames inside were licking at the fuse - all had to take was the smallest gust of wind, and I'd erupt into an explosive rage. That fuse was my own fear, anxiety and stress.


I had too much on my plate. And I still do.


Moving out is stressful enough, full stop. Add in the combination, Dyspraxia (coordination difficulty), university, a two-week trip to Scotland just days before University, what to do with my rig to make sure it's easily accessible, in addition to my brother, girlfriend, Evie and other friend/s all wanting to see me on the same day (8th) making matters incredibly difficult.


On top of this, there's the stress of keeping all five people involved in the move happy - us, the estate agent, the family who are buying our house, those who want our buyer's house, the current owners of our new house...


Each at a different stage of moving and requiring different things. In order to not lose our buyers, we will be going into a rented house for a couple months...it's like staying at an airport for a connected flight - you've just gotta hope to fuck that your luggage makes it the whole way, and any lost, stolen or missing luggage is a migraine and a half to get back - especially as much of our belongings are going into storage, but some will go into the rented.


Moving from the rented to the "proper property" will be the biggest headache if something goes wrong as there'll be the thought of, where the actual hell is it?


The house we just sold? storage? Has Robin taken it to Scotland or Wolverhampton? Is it in the rented property?


I'm just so glad I'm going to Wolverhampton and can leave all the stress and chaos for the parents to deal with.


Had we moved house last year, in my first year of Wolverhampton and the depths of COVID....oh boy oh boy.


I don't know - I'm just stressed out, I have so many questions and so many things to think about - boxes, ensuring my bedroom is empty on time, that I've got everything for both Scotland and Wolverhampton, that my rig is safe, secure and still playable, leaving Surrey for the final time in quite the while after living their my entire life (St Johns: Birth - 6 YO | Current House: 7 - 20 YO)


The rented house is also a little on my mind, as too the Bathurst 1000KM snuck between coming home from Scotland and leaving for University.


To manage the stress, I have broadened what I'm stressed about: Moving, Scotland and University - in a weird way, it works as I only have three things - or names - to think about. Thinking about the sub-catagories is a headache in itself before thinking about what the sub-catagories actually are...let alone what I need to do with them, but as I've found, time doesn't stop, and I've found that out sort of the hard way - but the point is that once the time comes for said "stressinizers" (causes of stress), I can deal with it - Scotland: I drive up there with my friend, there we go, I've got my suitcase, I'm in Scotland I'm good


Uni: I'll go up there on 20th September, hopefully I'll get an email about where to go and what to do, and I'm good


Moving: I'll come home - wherever that may be - in late November (Fuck unpacking boxes and trying to do Christmas, that's not happening) - and once my belongings are up on the walls, in the cuboards, on the floor and where else have you, I can stop worrying about moving.


The one thing I can't change however, is myself. My kind heart. my peace-keeper, keeping-everyone-happy attitude.


I promised myself that I wouldn't stay around anyone's for two months again, and I've been sticking very strictly to that, both for my mother's sake (she requested me home as I had shit to do) and for my own sake that I don't lose track of time and get myself to the end of August without packing a single item in my room.


But I'll admit, I think things on my end have sort of got a little out of control.


48 Hours (2 days) after my nice little trip with her to McDonalds/Newlands Corner, I found myself (willingly) at the end of her driveway again.


I do enjoy these trips, and I do enjoy seeing friends and I don't want it to stop...I just think it's because of my troubled and bullied past that I am so kind and so easily persuaded into journeys, trips, (free) uber trips...plus if I had a good time the last time I saw Evie - or indeed any of my friends, of COURSE I'm going to go back again and again!


This was a slightly different trip however, we headed to her boyfriend's house, after parking up at Silent Pool and deciding what to do


Normally, this would seem like a third-wheel red-flag driving a girlfriend to a boyfirned's house, but no, he's a very decent chap, great to hang out with and chill with, great sense of humour and quite the "cool dude".


After grabbing food at our favourite fast food chain, we'd go to his house.


After arriving (with our food), we'd sit down and have a little chat in the lounge before his mum and sister came in. Like both Annie and Evie, he is a CAFDO (Cute As F*ck Dog Owner) - the dog, I mean, I'm not flirting!


Shortly after, the dog began showing quite some interest in the side of the couch.


At first, everyone thought it was just a ball or toy, but after a little investigation, it was found to be a little vole (or mouse)...


cue a lot of screaming and leaping around on the sofas, the poor sod was eventually caught and put outside.


We'd later look at some of his (stunning) photography, before heading back to Evie's to drop her off before heading home myself.


A particular highlight of this trip was passing a road called "The Netherlands" and us joking about me taking a wrong turning and ending up in the Netherlands.

Did wonder why there was bad flooding leading up to the road...

05/08/2021


A rare day to myself!


After waking up at 10:30am, I decided to do the 12:15 BST race, this starting at 11:45am.


After an absolutely impeccable - if not ballsy qualifying, I'd start in 5th - my highest qualifying - not only at Long Beach, but in the GT3 Challenge too!


Saying this, I did qualify 3rd/4th...before others faster managed a better lap-time.


On a very rare occasion, the tiny grid of only 15 cars (17, but two didn't start) managed to all go through the final hairpin in single-file - and not a single car getting stuck at the infamous corner


For a street circuit, it was not as crazy as I had expected.


Starting on the third row, my row-mate darted off, before later on in the lap going wide (or more deep) at one of the only points you can go wide...


Unfortunately, whilst he was re-joining (onto the racing line) I was steaming on through the corner at full speed...unfortunately the racing line I was on...and him re-joining...sort of crossed paths and we bashed doors, me punting him into the wall.


Fortunately, he'd survive and I'd let him past on the very next straight (as he'd likely have me had I not bumped him into the wall) and he continued with his race, and I mine.


A few corners later however, he'd take a little too much kerb and spin, letting me past once again.


For the next 3 laps, I'd stay in 5th and despite giving the turn one barrier a heavy kiss, I'd manage to keep it clean, out the wall and in front of the German Porsche driver behind me, despite his much more consistent and faster lap times.


Unfortunately, half-way through the race, on Lap 7, he found my two weaknesses in the space of one straight: slip-streaming and braking.


He had my slipstream - I had no-one in front of me, and was much more confident under braking.


On Lap 9 of 15, the German driver in front made a mistake under braking and went straight on at turn one (not hitting anything) promoting me back up to P5....unfortunately, I had another incredibly "racey" Porsche behind me, putting me under a lot of pressure.


I'd keep him behind me until Lap 12 (another 3 laps in 5th) before he too would use my slip-stream and better bravery on the brakes to slip by into turn one.


The P6 finish (one down on my start position) would give me a healthy dose of +27 iRating, giving me the second most iRating I've ever had after the Charlotte 4hr Hosted race - the driver ahead getting +40, but hey, I did what I could.


Of the 15 starters, 14 finished.



6/08/2021

On the 6th, I saw Evie again - the third time this week.


On this occasion, we'd head to Maccies (As per) before heading back to my house and Evie would play iRacing, this time in the Ferrari at Red Bull Ring, but unfortunately, she'd have a headache and I'd take her home shortly after.


On the way home I noticed a little sporty Mercedes in front of a dealership which said "(Town Name) 4X4's" - found it rather amusing.


That night, I'd watch Fatherhood on Netflix.



7/08/2021


The 7th quickly arrived, and I needed to make a decision on who to visit.


Whether it was the right decision to make or not is in the past, and I can't change said decision and I've made it now, and that's the way the dice has rolled.


I had plenty of choice on what I could have done - going to the Beulieu Supercar Weekend, racing in Round 2 of the ARL F3 Championship, participating in the Monza 24 Hours on iRacing, even going to Snetterton, but no, I picked my friend.


I had to shorten the list of things that were bothering me and with Felix, my friend and Evie/my girlfriend on said list, I wasn't jut going to bumble off and go to a Supercar event.


I left at about 2pm, and on that day I went grocery shopping with them before staying over.

I'm going to split this into two parts, as this has already been a week, and is already quite long.


Thank you for reading!


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